It takes a very special occasion to have me rub my nipples in Vaseline and adorn a lycra bodysuit... and no it's not Mardi Gras. It was the moment of truth from a somewhat foolish new years resolution concept ? partake in a triathlon, and somehow I ended up entered in the Noosa one ... the worlds second largest triathlon event a 1500m swim, 40 km ride and 10 km run.

So the day dawned, months of training had come together and now I was really shitting myself. Just walking around Noosa I have never seen so many freakishly fit looking people in my life. We checked in our bikes to the transition area, was presented with a nasty lycra crop top as memorabilia (and made for those with a visible six pack only), and chilled out the afternoon.

We ate a huge meal of pasta for dinner, serious carbo loading, before heading to bed at 8pm... we had a 5am wakeup the next morning. The girls, Sarah and Andrew's girlfriend Jenny decided to head out on the town.

I was sound asleep.. for all of about 2 hours, at 10pm the first text message came through... "I love you"... at 11pm the next. At midnight the phone rang, Jenny, slurring "There's no taxis.... Come and get us". I turned the phone off. An hour later the girls returned.. stomping around, and Sarah a little tipsy decided to spend some quality time in the bathroom, retching into the toilet for a couple more hours. I finally got to sleep, and 1 hour later my alarm went off.

I wasn't happy. A banana smoothie, with a shot of coffee and blended with weetbix was our breakfast of choice... rubbing my nipples in Vaseline (a lesson learnt by Andrew the hard way in the half marathon! See pic) I adorned my lycra body suit, and we headed down.

There are a lot of people here, all ready to race, and I had to do a couple of nervous shits before it was time to enter the water... the gun went off and then in a melee of thousands (it was a staggered start luckily... except I was in the largest stagger!) we swam. Swimming in a pack is one of those experiences that is about as close to violent drowing as one can get, its mental, fists, people swimming over the tlop, feet, kicks to the head, all while trying to follow the right direction and get to the end. It was grueling, and more then one lungful of water went down.

I got to the end, and ran into the transition area, looking among the sea of ooo six thousand bikes and found mine. I sucked down a couple of those weird energy goos and set off to ride.

It was a good ride, except for one section which was a 3km pure up. I really really hated that. More goo, lots of water and an ass totally in pain form the hardness of my seat, accompanied by pissing down rain in thin road slicks made for an interesting ride, and a hour 10 later I pulled into the transition again. Runners on, and time to run.

I hate running. I aggressively hate running, and I really really really hated this run. Killer cramps, sore legs, raining. It was a brutal hour or running (I am not a fast runner!) and finally the end was nigh. The girls were out and shouted their support.. I smiled as I passed and then pushed myself through to the finish line, and crossed it.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, I was exhausted but elated, but the look on my face must have been something special as an official rushed over and asked me if I needed the medical tent! I waved them off, and found the girls and Andrew! My first triathlon... finished!

I couldn't walk for a week afterwards. Image Gallery