There are two types of people in the world. There are those that tan, and those that don't. Those that don't generally oscillate between white, red, peeling and then white. People who don't tan generally do not enjoy lazing on beaches. People who tan just cant understand how anyone couldn't love lounging on the beach.

So we went to Fiji. Sarah is a tanner (gratuitous hot babe in bikini shot)... I am a recreational lobster... and whether lacquered in SPF factor 100 sunscreen I still felt the 'delicate sensations' of becoming a crispy skinned duck.

Our first few days were on a little island - Malololailai, and with a triathlon just mere weeks away training was on my mind... unfortunately Sarah off work had a specific workout in mind, the cocktail workout... left arm pina colada and lift, right arm mai tai and lift... repeat.

We ate scallops one night at our five star resort. We spent the next two days curled around the porcelain alter. At some point in the future at a dive center we were informed that scallops are not indigenous to Fiji... neither it seems was food hygiene or refrigeration... I have never retched so hard for so long in my life... Sarah had it even worse.

One of the islands I wanted to see was kadavu, of the bottom of the group of islands that make fiji, it is home to the astrolabe reef one of the worlds great dive spots. We headed to Nadi airport, and waited while our delayed plane underwent repairs. Then we saw it, a tiny single prop 6 seater, held together with rust, string, spit and Fijian pride. We took off, and had the bumpiest, roughest flight imaginable, the humid air in Fiji makes for permanent cumulo nimbus clouds... the ones that boeings avoid, and we seemed to go through hundreds of them. Sarah clung to me with iron fingers, and the whole plane was gripped with that white knuckled panic.

We landed on a potholed runway surrounded by dense jungle and with a small hut for an airport. We found our guide, and took an ass pounding boat ride to our 'resort' an 'eco lodge' located on the south east part of the island. There are very few roads on Kadavu.

Our 'eco' lodge sported kerosene lantern, a 'solar' shower and a little bed under a holey mosquito net. It was a gorgeous little wooden hut with wonderful views over the ocean to the reef. Food served here was a tradional Fijian style - lots of roots and taro and delicious.

I had to laugh at the accompanying brochure... "The average hairdryer consumes enough power in 5 minutes to run the entire resort for a week. Consequently you will not find one in your bure. We are however happy to arrange for you to be driven around on a fast boat for 5 minutes for a small fee. We call it the 'windswept and interesting look'".

We dove there 4 times, and on our third dive were graced with a sighting on a Giant Manta ray. A 4 metre wide silent sentinel lazily cruising along the top of the reef, like something out of independence day.. it was amazing.

And on our last dive it got even better... we were treated to no less then SIX of them, all in a row, twisting and barrel rolling and playing with us, just arm lengths away, shooting up from behind us and filling us with amazement... Im glad that they are vegetarians. The diving here is sensational.

We spent our last day on Kandavu visiting a local village and got invited to sit with the village men and drink Kava. It's a root, that sis dried and then pounded and mixed with water, served in coconut shells with an associated ceremony. As the visitors, (and being the man) I became the honourable 'king' being served first, with a clap, some humming and hahahing and polite mentions form me to fill it to the brim!

It leaves ones mouth feeling numb, is slightly peppery and muddy all at once in flavour, and has a mild narcotic effect, the head goes a little woozy and everything relaxes, the mind stays quite coherent... but as I discovered on the way back to the boat some hours later... the legs have a mind of their own, and I wasn't the only legless kava head stumbling home.

Another hair raising flight to suva this time, and it's a shithole, that's all Ill say about Suva, before we headed back to Australia, brown... and white.

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